Leaving with a heavy heart.
As a child, I've always wanted to make my parents proud.
I have no idea what to live to.
Living for myself doesn't bring as much strength.
Since my parents are the ones who brought me up, I've always believed I should be living for them.
Of course, partly living for myself.
I'm usually not so particular with my results.
I'm quite a happy-go-lucky kind of person, or rather that type of student.
Neither do my parents have very high expectations of me as well.
My mum does says she wants to see me in that 'square hat' (yes, that's a kind of expectation).
Yet, she doesn't really give me any stress and saying that just passing is fine.
Well of course as a student, I came to realised that just passing will not get you a 'square hat'.
Ever since then, I thought that maybe one day I can award them with the gift.
Maybe with that, I will know what I should live for myself next.
I thought I'll end up in Junior College, but apparently in Secondary Four I realised going for a diploma is much cooler.
(laughs) I didn't want to follow what everyone wants (except for one - psychology).
So, thinking that since I can enter Junior College and yet pursuing for a diploma, I thought I might get the chances of getting director list every semester or rather be the clever one in my cohort.
Big joke, I didn't got a chance.
My class was very much competitive.
Even with a GPA of 3.9, I didn't get the Director's List that I wanted.
I'm not particularly sad over it, just that since we're on this topic, why not bring it up?
It was quite a regret, but I told myself to have no regrets in life hence this became a motivation for me to get a GPA 4.0.
I never did.
As I said, I'm quite a happy-go-lucky person and quite a lazy one.
So maybe that is why I never gotten and this is probably my fate.
Not saying I never tried my best, I've always tried my best.
My best is probably at the very least.
My favourite subjects are usually the poorest ones, and up till now I have no idea why.
You've got it, the subject I hate most, I aced it.
So I'm always afraid of favourit-ing something.
It's becoming a habit that I come up with things to hate the things I love,
So much that it became a personal matter.
Let's not go too far.
This is probably my most emotional post in this blog ever since I start thinking that this shall be a positive blog, but I guess I had to break the chain.
On the 25 March 2015, I'll be travelling to Korea for a trip with my best friend, cousin and cousin's friend.
I'm afraid of leaving with a heavy heart.
With Mr Lee's demise and my bad results, I have no mood to talk about Korea.
(maybe when I reach there, it will be all different, but let's talk about now)
So, my dreams of getting into NUS and NTU is probably shattered.
The moment I saw my results, I think to myself 'why do they even want you?'.
My only hope was with SIT, but since I'm going Korea, they are rescheduling my interview dates.
(please really give me a chance, you're my last hope.)
Well, I wanted to enter NUS and NTU because I want to prove to everyone.
Not that I'm being boastful or proud, but I want to prove to my parents and let them be proud of me.
I will like them to tell others that 'hey, my daughter is studying in NUS/NTU'.
I guess it will not happen.
I also want people to see that people with diploma can also enter a famous local university.
For this matter, I guess I'll let others do it for me then.
Now, I think I couldn't hold up to my responsibilities.
It's probably the first mega expectation I had of myself.
Yet, I failed it.
I had a very hard day trying to decipher this matter and yet, we can only let this pass.
What's over is over, we can't do anything right?
We probably can only think of what to do now, and in the future.
With that, I would like to end my very emotional post for the day.
(or rather a quite emotional one for me)
I have no idea what to live to.
Living for myself doesn't bring as much strength.
Since my parents are the ones who brought me up, I've always believed I should be living for them.
Of course, partly living for myself.
I'm usually not so particular with my results.
I'm quite a happy-go-lucky kind of person, or rather that type of student.
Neither do my parents have very high expectations of me as well.
My mum does says she wants to see me in that 'square hat' (yes, that's a kind of expectation).
Yet, she doesn't really give me any stress and saying that just passing is fine.
Well of course as a student, I came to realised that just passing will not get you a 'square hat'.
Ever since then, I thought that maybe one day I can award them with the gift.
Maybe with that, I will know what I should live for myself next.
I thought I'll end up in Junior College, but apparently in Secondary Four I realised going for a diploma is much cooler.
(laughs) I didn't want to follow what everyone wants (except for one - psychology).
So, thinking that since I can enter Junior College and yet pursuing for a diploma, I thought I might get the chances of getting director list every semester or rather be the clever one in my cohort.
Big joke, I didn't got a chance.
My class was very much competitive.
Even with a GPA of 3.9, I didn't get the Director's List that I wanted.
I'm not particularly sad over it, just that since we're on this topic, why not bring it up?
It was quite a regret, but I told myself to have no regrets in life hence this became a motivation for me to get a GPA 4.0.
I never did.
As I said, I'm quite a happy-go-lucky person and quite a lazy one.
So maybe that is why I never gotten and this is probably my fate.
Not saying I never tried my best, I've always tried my best.
My best is probably at the very least.
My favourite subjects are usually the poorest ones, and up till now I have no idea why.
You've got it, the subject I hate most, I aced it.
So I'm always afraid of favourit-ing something.
It's becoming a habit that I come up with things to hate the things I love,
So much that it became a personal matter.
Let's not go too far.
This is probably my most emotional post in this blog ever since I start thinking that this shall be a positive blog, but I guess I had to break the chain.
On the 25 March 2015, I'll be travelling to Korea for a trip with my best friend, cousin and cousin's friend.
I'm afraid of leaving with a heavy heart.
With Mr Lee's demise and my bad results, I have no mood to talk about Korea.
(maybe when I reach there, it will be all different, but let's talk about now)
So, my dreams of getting into NUS and NTU is probably shattered.
The moment I saw my results, I think to myself 'why do they even want you?'.
My only hope was with SIT, but since I'm going Korea, they are rescheduling my interview dates.
(please really give me a chance, you're my last hope.)
Well, I wanted to enter NUS and NTU because I want to prove to everyone.
Not that I'm being boastful or proud, but I want to prove to my parents and let them be proud of me.
I will like them to tell others that 'hey, my daughter is studying in NUS/NTU'.
I guess it will not happen.
I also want people to see that people with diploma can also enter a famous local university.
For this matter, I guess I'll let others do it for me then.
Now, I think I couldn't hold up to my responsibilities.
It's probably the first mega expectation I had of myself.
Yet, I failed it.
I had a very hard day trying to decipher this matter and yet, we can only let this pass.
What's over is over, we can't do anything right?
We probably can only think of what to do now, and in the future.
With that, I would like to end my very emotional post for the day.
(or rather a quite emotional one for me)
